June 12, 2012
To me it’s a sign that he and Samantha are normal parents, that’s all. Have I ever accidentally left any of my offspring behind in playgrounds/beaches/pubs/casinos/abbatoirs/brothels? Quite possibly. I really can’t remember but if I ever did the process would have gone something like this: Massive panic. Huge bollocking from the wife. Mad dash to retrieve child/children. Relief all round. But hey, nobody died.
When you have your first child – and I remember this vividly as I looked down on Infant 1, who had emerged barely 30 seconds earlier and had been passed to me by the midwife saying “He’s yours now!” – your immediate instinct is: “This can’t be right. I’ve never done this before. Help!” Fairly swiftly afterwards, though, what you realise is that it’s all pretty obvious. Children, by and large, are designed to be idiot-parent proof. If they weren’t the child mortality rate would be considerably higher than it is.
So the idea, it seems to me, that any conclusions about Cameron’s fitness to run the country can be drawn from what happened to his daughter Nancy in the pub over the weekend is utterly absurd. If anything, it makes me feel more sympathy towards Dave because it reminds us, not just what a regular, unstuffy, laid-back bloke he instinctively is, but also how cruel are the demands of an office where you can’t even pick your nose without someone in the media suggesting that now you might put bogies on the nuclear trigger.
What I do very much believe, though, is that Cameron should now be forced to attend one of those state-funded parenting classes he was banging on about the other day. He won’t learn a thing he doesn’t know already about how to bring up children, but that’s not the point. What he will learn, though, is that given the choice between being allowed to keep their money or having it taken away from them and handed out by the government in the form of £100 vouchers to the kind of pillocks who are going to leave their kids behind in the pub occasionally regardless of how extensively they’ve been parentally trained, 99.99 per cent of parents would rather keep the money on spend it on something more useful, thank you very much. Like nappies. Or a pub lunch.
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