Ding Dong the Witch Isn’t Dead. May Lives to Ruin Brexit


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Ding Dong, the Witch Isn’t Dead.

Against all reason, Theresa May – the worst Prime Minister in British history – has yet again survived an attempt to boot her out of office.

This has nothing to do with her merits: she has none.

It is entirely due to the short-termism, cowardice and depressing lack of soundness among all those Conservative MPs who voted to keep her in office – despite being perfectly aware (as who can not be?) that she is a lame duck Prime Minister causing little but harm and embarrassment to her party, her electorate and her country.

All day in the run up to the vote, May’s MPs have been dressing up their pusillanimity and self-serving weaselry as a mix of pragmatism, patriotism and high principle.

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Everything You Need to Know About This Dog’s Breakfast of a Brexit Fiasco

LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND - SEPTEMBER 23: Demonstrator's dog is seen on the March For The Many on September 23, 2018 in Liverpool, England. The March For The Many is calling for a people's vote on the final outcome of the government's Brexit negotiations. (Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)
Jeff J Mitchell/GettyThis

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Brexit is a dog’s breakfast of a cock-up of a disaster of a fiasco.

I’ve been looking for guidance from some wise columnist who can explain what is happening and then reassure me that it’s all going to be OK in the end. But such a person does not exist for the simple reason that no one knows anything: everything is up in the air, everybody is lying, cheating or on manoeuvres, everyone is partisan and betraying their own biases and wishful thinking. That’s why I feel free to offer my own hot takes on the issue, confident that no one can gainsay me because my guesses are as good as anyone else’s.

Here is where I think we are:

Theresa May

Her decision to postpone her inevitable defenestration by delaying yesterday’s “meaningful vote” in Parliament because she knew she was bound to lose was entirely in character. May’s sole interest now is staying in power by whatever means. It’s not as though she didn’t warn us.

“I am a bloody difficult woman”, she once famously claimed. What she should have added is: “I am also a bloody annoying woman.”

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Boris Is Right – May’s ‘S & M Brexit’ Will Sting

LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 11: British Prime Minister Theresa May attends a roundtable meeting with business leaders, whose companies are inaugural signatories of the Race at Work Charter at Southbank Centre on October 11, 2018 in London, England. The PM reportedly later today will have a special meeting of cabinet …
WPA Pool/Getty

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The Brexit deal being pushed by Theresa May is an “S & M approach to Government” — one of those mystifying perversions like wanting to be “locked up in chains.”
So says Boris Johnson in a trenchant interview with Conservative HomeAll right, so it’s just what you’d expect him to say, but I’m glad at least one of our Brexiteer politicians is out there making this important point.

Truly and honestly, the people in Theresa May’s Conservatives still sticking up for her suicidal plan — Hamsterface Barwell, Jellyspine Gove, Coffinlid Hammond, Greg ‘Boring’ Clark, and so on — are a bunch of autoflagellators quite beyond redemption. Sure it may be their personal, passionate belief that we’d all be better locked up forever in a basement with a hoist and sundry whips and a range of chains and manacles and hoods and gimp suits — but with no safe word ever to put an end to our suffering. But that’s certainly no reason for the rest of us to go along with their weird urges.Where, though, should we go instead?

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No Matter What They Do, the Remainers Will Lose Brexit

LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM - MARCH 29: Anti Brexit demonstrators continue their protest outside the Houses of Parliament on March 29, 2018 in London, United Kingdom. British Prime Minister Theresa May is touring Britain to mark the one-year countdown of Britain's EU departure. (Photo by Dan Kitwood/Getty Images)
Dan Kitwood/Getty

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Tough guy walks into a bar. It has been a hard day and all he wants is a drink. But the moronic, low-life gimps who think they make the rules don’t want to let him. They swagger towards our hero, tower over him menacingly, and hiss that he just ain’t welcome in this town.
Our hero surveys them coolly. “Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” he says.

For moronic, low life gimps who think they make the rules, see: Remainers.

For our hero, see: Brexiteers.

This, essentially is the thesis advanced by the excellent Allister Heath in the Telegraph today, and it’s both a true and an encouraging one.

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Brexit Project Fear Gives Way to Project Hysteria

LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM - JANUARY 19: Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney delivers a speech at the annual Peston Lecture at Queen Mary University on January 19, 2016, in London, United Kingdom. During his speech, Carney explained that it is not yet the time to raise interest rates …
Frank Augstein – WPA Pool/Getty

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A No Deal Brexit will cause UK house prices to crash 30 per cent, the pound will be worth less than the dollar, and unemployment will rise by more than one million.

Or so says the Governor of the Bank of England, Mark Carney.

But no one believes him, any more than they believe the claim – attributed to DEFRA Secretary Michael Gove — that Britain could run out of clean drinking water; nor the one from the government, claiming that it would cause a 9.3 per cent reduction in GDP; nor the most risible claim of the lot — that the surrender document on the table represents a “good deal that fulfils the vote.”

That last claim, by the way, comes courtesy of Prime Minister Theresa May. May was once asked what the naughtiest thing she’d done as a child and replied that it was “running through fields of wheat.” If that’s really the case, then she has been making up for lost time since. Certainly, I’d say that telling such blatant lies to the electorate when you’re prime minister comes rather higher up the sin list than disturbing a few sheaves of corn. If she were a company CEO and tried selling a deal on such a blatantly false prospectus she’d be out of her job in no time and facing heavy fines and a possible prison sentence.

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Britain’s Worst Ever Prime Minister May Yet Save Brexit

NORTH SHIELDS, ENGLAND - MAY 12: Prime Minister Theresa May speaks to party supporters as she campaigns in the North East of England during a visit to the Linskill Centre on May 12, 2017 in North Shields, United Kingdom. The visit takes the Prime Minister to a traditional heartland of …
Ian Forsyth/Getty

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Lord North is often held to be Britain’s worst ever prime minister because he was the one that lost America.

But I really think this claim does the current incumbent a terrible disservice. Lord North, after all, has been vindicated by history: Britain and America have thrived since their divorce. No one, though, is ever going to be able to view Theresa May kindly with hindsight, no matter how many aeons pass.

Theresa May is without question the worst prime minister in British history.

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Remainer Ken Clarke Adds His Seal to ‘Treason’ May’s Brexit Surrender

LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 19: Justice Secretary Kenneth Clarke talks to reporters as he leaves home on May 19, 2011 in London, England. Mr Clarke is facing criticism over his comments on rape during a radio interview on May 18, 2011. (Photo by Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images)
Peter Macdiarmid/Getty

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Every day looks more and more like an Establishment conspiracy to destroy Brexit. Now Kenneth Clarke has confirmed it: he has announced that he is going to vote in support of Theresa May’s Brexit In Name Only deal.

Tiresomely faux-genial jazz bore Kenneth Clarke  — one of the last relics of the Thatcher era who still hangs about like a stale fart in a lift — is about as fanatically Europhile as it’s possible to be without actually getting your skin dyed blue and tattooed with gold stars and the legend “I heart Michel Barnier” across your chest.

Clarke is so pro-EU that in 2001 he described his party’s campaign to save the pound as a “disaster.” (Imagine the trouble we would be in now if Clarke had had his way and Britain had adopted the Euro!)

He is so pro-EU that during his last election campaign, he wrote to his constituents assuring them that the Referendum result was “not binding”.

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Theresa May’s Useless Conservatives Are Screwing up Brexit


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The Conservatives are completely ****ing up Brexit.

They may not mean to, but they are. Here is a perfect example of the kind of stupidity, incompetence, pusillanimity, virtue-signalling cant, dishonesty, complacency, and arrogance which make Britain’s useless government so inadequate to the task of fulfilling the mandate given to them by 17.4 million people in June 2016.

It’s a tweet from a Conservative MP called Nick Boles:

Boles has a great grasp of what “normal” people think, doesn’t he?

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The Phoney War Is over; the Real Battle for Brexit Has Begun


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There’s nothing a star columnist hates to tell his readers more than “I told you so.”

But I’m afraid, through gritted teeth I’m going to be forced to say it. I was right, wasn’t I? I was bloody well right!

I told you to keep your nerve and that a No Deal Brexit was where we were headed. But many of you didn’t believe me because you were too busy running round like headless chickens and throwing your toys out of your prams and yelling at me for being taken in by the beguiling words of Tory toffs.

Well here’s my answer to the last accusation:

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Calm Down, Everyone – Brexit’s Going to Be OK!

Theresa MayHenry Nicholls/Pool via AP

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Many of the 17.4 million who voted Brexit — and many of the millions more who’ve since realised that the EU is a towering inferno we need to escape before it comes crashing down on us — are getting very upset about Theresa May’s “worst deal in history.”

But they shouldn’t be, for a number of reasons.

The first and most obvious one is: “What on earth were you expecting?”

It has been clear for months, years probably, that whatever deal Remainer Theresa May cobbled together with her Remainer Cabinet henchmen and her Remainer Civil Servants was going to be a massive betrayal of the Brexit vote.

Chequers was a turd.

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