Augean troughers and reptiles
There’s a mischievous online campaign now fast gaining momentum urging that I should stand in the Corby by-election following Louise Mensch’s shock (well, actually not that shocking) decision to abandon the sinking ship SS Coalition.
I’m torn, I must say.
On the one hand I’m moving to Northamptonshire anyway next week and I’d certainly love to do my bit in parliament to help Chris Heaton-Harris MP with his campaign to stop this gorgeous and much-underrated county becoming the wind farm capital of Britain. (Note that phrase “gorgeous and much-underrated”. Seems I’m catching the politician’s smarm bug already….). Also, though I can’t claim to have taken quite as many drugs as Louise Mensch apparently has, I did make a pretty heroic go of it in my younger, longer-haired days – as fans of my Thinly Disguised Autobiography will know.
On the other hand, I’m skint, I’d stand no hope of getting a cabinet position in the Cameron administration (face it: he’s not my biggest fan) and in any case I just don’t think I’d be cynical or sleazy enough to get on in the current Tory party.
Then again, if I did stand it wouldn’t be as a Tory anyway. No way would I want to belong to the same party as such Augean troughers and reptiles as Tim Yeo MP or the even more noisome Lord Deben (formerly John Selwyn Gummer). If I stood – if they’d have me – it would have to be for UKIP whose manifesto gels so perfectly with my own political values I might almost have written it myself.
Until recently Nigel Farage used to describe UKIP as the “Conservative party in exile” and saw the party’s function mainly as the Tories’ conscience, to keep them on the straight and narrow. Over dinner the other night – no: we weren’t talking about my candidature – though, I discovered that his position had hardened. He now sees UKIP as a viable political party not just at the 2014 EU elections (when it will assuredly win the most seats) but also in the next few general elections here in Britain.
I totally understand his shift in thinking. Thanks to David Cameron, the Conservative party in Britain is dead in the water. There’s only one possible thing he could do to save it which is to fall on his sword before the next election and allow Boris Johnson or Gove to take the reins. But since he won’t – doing the decent thing has never really been Cameron’s schtick – Labour will certainly win the next election, if necessary in coalition with the Lib Dems who will then gerrymander the boundaries and tinker with the constitution to ensure that the Tories can never win a working majority again.
Really, so totally unConservative have the Conservatives become in every way (apart from on education) I find it astonishing that any conservative could consider voting for them. But then if I were an old Labour man – and I have a lot more respect for socialists than I do for liberals – I would feel much the same about the way Labour has gone. Instead of being the party which champions the rights of the working man and woman, Labour has become the party of the welfare class, the public sector parasite and the vampire squid quangocracy.
We need a new kind of politics in this country. None of the current three main parties is offering us any viable alternative to the doomed political “consensus” of statism, money-printing, overregulation, corporatism, banksterism, gag-making political correctness and environmental tyranny.
UKIP, on the other hand, has something to offer everyone – both those on the traditional right and on the old left.
Do I really want to be an MP? Probably not. Hateful job, hideous place – like a cross between a very minor public school and a 70s Berni Inn, vile creepy people, long hours and (unless you’re say, Tim Yeo MP) crap money.
Oh and there’s another factor which might rule me way out of contention: I speak rather too honestly for my own good.
- What BBC Radio 2’s Chris Evans thinks about global warming
- The orgy of greed spoiling our countryside: why I campaigned in Corby
- Richard Madeley reveals that the green blight has finally sunk Cornwall
- Hollywood fracks up