Think before you give Lucky and Tiger another mouthful! They may look cute and affectionate, your dog and your cat, but at heart, they are ravening planet-destroying creatures whose insatiable appetite for meat and deadly feces threatens to kill us all with deadly global warming.
According to the study, by geography professor Gregory S. Okin, the 163 million cats and dogs in the U.S. alone eat so much meat that if they were a country they would be the fifth largest meat consumer after Russia, Brazil, the U.S., and China.
Also, they produce 5.1 million tons of feces — the same as is produced by 90 million human Americans.
Indeed, 25 to 30 percent of the environmental impact of meat consumption in the United States is created by cats and dogs.
Their carbon footprint — about 64 million tons of carbon dioxide each year — allegedly has the same “climate impact as a year’s worth of driving from 13.6 million cars.”
Like children, dogs are the litmus test for all your friends’ worst weaknesses.
I’ve now just about reached that delightful stage in life where you’re no longer exposed to the horrors of other people’s children. This is because my friends’ offspring are mostly either safely away at university or virtually invisible in some far-off room staring at a screen, appearing only briefly to grunt some cursory greeting as they collect their food or drink before retiring once more to their virtual teenworld.
But just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water, I’ve discovered that it isn’t, actually, because my friends have started to replace their vanishing children with something much, much worse: their stupid bloody annoying dogs.
Like children, dogs are the litmus test for all your friends’ worst weaknesses. You think your friends are normal and sensible, with the same values as you — which is why they’re your friends. But when you see them with their children or their dogs, it cruelly, in some cases almost fatally, exposes the irredeemably vast gulf that exists between their way of doing things and yours.
This happened, I remember, with our once bestest of best friends Bob and Livia (names changed to protect the guilty). Being left-wing bohemians, Bob and Livia didn’t believe in fascistic stuff like bedtimes or indeed regular mealtimes. We very much did. Though today I’m about as laissez-faire a dad as you could ever meet, in the early days I was so strict that the Fawn used to call me Dr Mengele. Probably I’d read in some book that routines are important, so I cleaved to them religiously.
This week, James welcomes back British author, columnist, and expert on all things American, Tim Stanley. They discuss the ongoing budget negotiations, why Britain may actually be doing better than the U.S. in terms of cutting the fat, why James would make an excellent Pope, the advantages of owning a dog, and their New Year’s Resolutions.