What do you say to a graduate with a first class degree in gender studies?
If your answer was “I’ll have that with a large fries and a McFlurry and an extra large Coke, sweetheart,” I’d seriously question your judgement.
What kind of self-respecting employer, let alone one of the world’s leading fast-food emporia, would be so blinkered and self-destructive as to give a valuable job to someone whose only training consisted of whiny self-pity, resentment, divisiveness, navel-gazing, and entitlement?
Sorry gender studies graduates, but there it is. And the same goes, I’d say, for about 90 per cent of the other graduates from 90 per cent of the courses at 90 per cent of universities in Britain (and beyond): you’ve wasted your time; you’ve been sold a pup; you’ve borrowed all that money on the basis of a false prospectus. Employers just aren’t interested in your crappy degree.
Today I am launching an appeal on behalf of a former British comedian called Robert Webb.
Unless you live in the UK you probably won’t have heard of him. But in his day he was very funny – first as part of the double act Mitchell and Webb, later in the even funnier series Peep Show (which really was much better than the travesty of a U.S. remake, honest).
Anyway, sadly, those days of being funny are long behind him. Poor Webb has fallen victim to a disease which has ravaged the global comedic community so cruelly and on such a scale that it could probably provide Tony Kushner with enough material to write another Pulitzer Prize-winning play.
This disease comes in several ugly mutations.
There’s the basic form – Cleese’s Disease – where you started out funny but you haven’t been for years because you now take yourself far too seriously.
There’s Schumer-Degeneres Syndrome, where you probably weren’t that funny to start with but you’re definitely even less funny now that you’ve become obsessed with hating your own white privilege.
There’s Linehan Complex, where your youthful frivolity has mutated into hideous arrogance and bitterness and extreme self-righteousness which leads you to lash out viciously on social media at anyone who doesn’t share your impeccably woke SJW politics.
Robert Webb, poor chap, has managed to contract all three variants of the disease at once.