If, as David Cameron once claimed, UKIP is full of “fruitcakes, loonies and closet racists”, then I suppose Nigel Farage should be welcoming with open arms his latest celebrity would-be member, the mad-as-a-lorry, tofu-munching pop star Morrissey. Interviewed in Loaded magazine, Mozza has said:

“I nearly voted for Ukip. I like Nigel Farage a great deal,”

“His views are quite logical – especially where Europe is concerned.”

But does our future prime minister really want to be messing with such people? I’d say not. And this isn’t because I believe any of that drivel the NME once came up with about Morrissey being a closet “raaaacist” just because he once draped himself on stage in the Union flag. Nor is it because I think Mozza will use his cunning celebrity influence to change Ukip’s policy on gay marriage (Mozza is famously, defiantly celibate). It’s just that I’ve a strong suspicion that Morrissey is basically unsound. Here are a few reasons:

1. “Meat is Murder.” No. Meat is not murder. To believe meat is “murder” you have to belong to the Peter Singer school of animal-rights weirdness and accept that beef cattle and chickens and so on deserve the same status as humans.

2. His gigs never fail to disappoint. He only ever does about two Smiths numbers, really perfunctorily. And he never does nearly enough from his one world-class solo album Vauxhall & I.

3.He hates the Royal Family.

4. He thinks the Falklands belong to the Argies.

5. He is a militant vegetarian.

Farage, I think most of us can agree, is a very splendid fellow and Ukip’s manifesto is quite amazingly sound. But has Morrissey actually read it?