16th May 2010
1. It will all be over soon.
2. Lib Dem voters hate it even more than we do. (Rather surprisingly given that they’re never going to see this much power for at least the next seven millennia).
3. When David Miliband becomes prime minister on the back of this disaster at least it won’t be quite as bad as if we were ruled by Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Pol Pot or Mugabe.
4. Or Ed Miliband.
5. If you work for a bloated management team in the NHS there’s no need to cancel that holiday in the Maldives.
6. If you are the ghost of Ted Heath, rejoice! In a stroke you have been made to look like a Conservative leader of towering integrity, statesmanship, achievement and robust Tory values.
7. Chris Huhne as Environment/Climate Change secretary: ah, what the hell – a functioning industrial economy and countryside unspoilt by wind farms are sooo overrated, anyway.
8. There’s always the chance that Europe implodes so badly that suddenly our government looks a model of efficiency and competence.
9. Radio 4 comedians will double their audiences now that even Tories will laugh in bitter sympathy with their “God how we hate the Tories” jokes.
10. No need to toy any more with those exciting plans to seek a better life in New Zealand/Albania/Burkina Faso. Seize the moment! With Cameron and Clegg in charge you know it has never made more sense.