Why Isn’t Arse Quality Included in the Judging for the Diving? The Rio Olympics Reviewed

Has Clare Balding been genetically engineered purely to be the perfect BBC Olympics TV presenter? Why is fencing so dull? And couldn’t the rowing include at least one oik?
Stuff I have learnt after two solid weeks watching the Olympics on TV.

1. Tennis and golf shouldn’t be Olympic sports. Yes, I know we won both and Rose’s final chip on to the 18th green was great to watch. But you can see this sort of thing done with a tougher range of competitors at any number of majors all the time. Olympic medals should be there to reward the Corinthian spirit not just an opportunity for millionaires to add something a bit different to their mantelpiece.

2. I still don’t understand the judging system for the diving but had arse quality been included in the women’s events — as I believe it should — the Italian girl would have done much better.

3. Definitely, definitely don’t say stuff like 2 (above) when watching with a teenage daughter. The language!

4. The lack of diversity in the men’s rowing events is shocking. I think one year they ought to include a person who isn’t blond, privately educated and Oxbridge just to mix it up a bit. They could always chuck the token oik into the water, afterwards, if he caught a crab. Mind you, in the toxic seas of Brazil that might have resulted in a manslaughter rap.

5. The men’s badminton doubles between Team GB and Japan was more exciting than such an event has any right to be. I particularly liked one of the British pair breathlessly explaining after they’d won (against a pair seeded third in the world) that he wasn’t actually that a good player but had just tried hard.

Read the rest at the Spectator.